Waiting…

Embryo transfer was pretty uncomfortable.  For one, you have to go in with a full bladder so that they can do an abdominal ultrasound.  So, someone pressing down hard on your stomach.  When you really need to wee.  In the meantime, her colleague is all up in your business with a speculum.

But having said that, it was pretty cool to watch the embryos get deposited in my uterus by a big long syringe on the ultrasound screen.

We had arrived ready to have a battle over the number of embryos to have put back in.  We had no idea how many would be left, but we wanted to give ourselves the best chance possible and if that meant a risk of twins, so be it.  We were worried that the hospital would be concerned about keeping their multiple birth rates down and therefore wouldn’t be keen on putting two blastocysts in.

However, when we got there, the embryologist informed us that only two embryos had reached blastocyst stage  – and in fact were both only at early blast stage – and as we can’t freeze any remaining embryos, they wanted to transfer two.  So it was all puppies and kittens and rainbows and happy agreements as we signed the paper acknowledging that we understand the risk of multiple pregnancy blah blah blah.

So I’ve been resting and drinking lots of water and still feeling bloated and sore.  I’ve been overanalysing every twinge, trying to work out if it’s a different kind of ache than I felt before the embryo transfer.  We’ve now got only 9 days to go until we can take the pregnancy test the hospital sent us home with and the wait is already excruciating.

I have no idea what I’ll do if the test is negative.  Every time I think about it, I can only imagine my reaction to a positive test.  I see me texting photos of the test to friends and family and celebrating with my wife.  I can’t picture the negative test.  Maybe because actually, after all this time and the whole IVF process, it really is too devastating to consider.  Although the hormones didn’t affect me too badly, there were physical side effects and the last week or so since egg collection has been really uncomfortable.  I don’t want to have gone through all for this for nothing.

And yet, something in me thinks the embryos haven’t implanted – which they should have done in the last day or so.  I can’t say why, exactly, and I don’t want to be negative, I want to think positive and hope that I can somehow will these little embryos – or one of them at least – into making itself comfy in my womb.  But every time my abdomen doesn’t feel as swollen as it did, or it doesn’t hurt to breathe, I worry that that means the embryos haven’t implanted.

We won’t know until the 24th and I do need to brace myself for the possibility of “failure”, but whatever the outcome, the next 9 days are going to be agonising.

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