And breathe

Written yesterday, posted today – just to keep you all on your toes!

Lazy morning. Wedding this afternoon. Half term has begun.

I’ve been “sniffing” (as those in the know call it) for almost two weeks now and am pleased to report that the side effects so far have been minimal. On Thursday I left work with a stonking headache that had been glowering quietly near the front of my skull for most of the day, but aside from that, drinking plenty of water has seemed to keep the headache demons at bay.

I haven’t felt particularly hormonal either. Earlier this week I had a teaching observation, which happened to also coincide with the second day of my period. It didn’t go as well as I would have liked and there were a few other minor issues over which I felt I’d been treated slightly unfairly, but I held it together. I did get a little tearful, but managed not to descend into snot-covered, blubbering hysteria. I maintained my dignity. And, as my dear wife pointed out at the time, I did all that whilst on my period AND going through the menopause. So well done to me.

It’s now only a matter of days before we return to Guy’s for another scan to determine whether I’m ready to start injecting myself with the next type of hormone. If all goes well, that could mean egg collection is only a couple of weeks away, but I’m finding myself worrying about whether the oestrogen suppressor in the nasal spray has been working properly.

I’ve had my period since taking it, which I was told was to be expected, but the lack of major side effects have left me concerned that maybe I haven’t been taking it properly. I don’t know really how much margin of error there is when squirting something up your nose and breathing in – one would assume there’s not too many ways it could go wrong, after all, where else is there for it to go?

But that doesn’t stop me worrying. On Thursday we’ll know if it’s worked the way we need it to and, if it hasn’t, then I’ll just keep sniffing for longer before I start the injections.

This process is stirring up a whole array of emotions in me, from elation to anxiety. But I guess that’s what we will continue to experience once we actually have children, so we may as well get used to it.

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